a note im to scared to show you. im to scared to tell you.

i wish i could tell you how much you mean to me. i wish it would make a difference and you would understand. i wish you would love me again and we could be happy together. i want to hold you and look into your eyes and just kiss you gently. i wish you meant everything you said and i wish we could get married and live our lives as one. i wish we could always be there for each other and i wish i could make you smile like i used to. my life is falling apart without you and im dying inside. i need you so badly. i want you to be happy though. and thats what makes this so fucking hard. i miss you desperately and its hard to go on. there is mornings where i wish i hasdnt woken up. there is nights where i stay up for hours and hours just thinking and crying about you. there is days where i seriously comtemplate killing myself and leavin a note telling you it isnt your fault and i love you. its so hard to go on and let go.i dont think i can do it.i act happy, i smile, i spend time with my friends, but the truth is, my throat is always constricted, my eyes are always teary, my stomach is turning, my heart always hurts, and my smile is fake. you got inside my head and i cant get you out. i cant stop the hurt, the pain, the tears, or the scars from coming. i cant let go of you. i wont let go of you. i wish i could/would, but i have so much hope. i feel like we werent done, it wasnt our time, we just needed a break. our time isnt over. youre my noah and ill always be your allie.