i love you so much, and i like him so much.
im falling for him, but i cant let go of you.
and it hurts that youre probably going out with that girl.
but at least youre happy, and i am too.
i just wish things had never went so south between us and we could at least be friends still.
:/

the last day im doing on here, and probably my last post.

DAY 28.SOMETHING I MISS.

I MISS YOU.

skipping 21. DAY 22.

ITMAKESMEUPSETITWILLNEVERBETRUE.
im slowly accepting that its over, but its hard, and i love you.
and i always will. i thought we were like romeo and juliet or noah and allie or jenny and forrest. but shit happens i guess.
it upsets me to see pictures of us when we were happy.
i love our memories, but not us together.

daytwenty

THIS MONTH.
has been an awesome learning expirence.(:

daynineteen

i regret getting jealous.
i regret fighting with you.
i regret hanging out with you that day in potbellys.
i regret sending that message.
i try not to regret, but who am i kidding, i jsut do things i dont like.

http://spiderman9412.tumblr.com/

DAY EIGHTEEN.

my favorite birthday was i few years ago. i dont remember how old i turned, but we had a food fight and it was fuckign awesome. ♥

this is scary accurate.

GEMINI - The Twin
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good at confusing people… Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

a bridge,

ugly, old,

cracked,

smelly,

broken,

bridge.

so beautiful,

and filled

with memories

smiles,

love,

and kisses.

im starting to breakdown.

i dont understand how you can keep doing this to me, without doing ANYTHING.

im struggling, but ive been doing so good and i dont want to start again,

im trying.

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothin' left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me.

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleepin' with your pride
Wishin' I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life.

day 17

DO YOU REMEMBER?

my favorite memory is probably watching the notebook,

but only because ive was the happiest ive probably ever been at that time.

but all the summers i spent smiling, all the times ive spent with my friends, everything.

all the happy times ive had,

THOSE were my favorite memory.

the notebook is just one of the ones that stuck out to me.

i still am okay without you.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and
it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and
mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit
of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no
...different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid
life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did
something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your
life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It
eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase
like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter
working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.

It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love.

day16

FIRSTBOYFRIEND.FIRSTDATE.FIRSTKISS.

ramiro andalla.

you showed me i could truely care for a boy as my boyfriend.

although we werent really in love, when we were together it felt like it.

and even though its not in the same way, ill always care for you because you were and still are special. ♥

skipping14, DAY FIFTEEN.

SOMETIMESIDREAMABOUTYOU.

i dont all the time anymore, in fact, many of my dreams have been fucked up lately,

like my parents dying and terrible things.

but sometimes, i dream of this spot.

and june 11, 2010.

i feel as though i dont need you anymore,

but i know i still want you.

but im not gonna cry anymore.

im done chasing you.

and im glad we can be friends.

but jsut know, ill never forget the feeling i had at this bridge.

skipping day twelve cause its stupid. DAY13.

ILEARNEDHOWTOTHISWEEK.

this week ive chilled with mostly connor and adrian, but i just love it,

like this has been awesome and i finally feel good.

ive learned if i wanna be happy,

all i have to do, is let myself be happy.

day eleven is gonna be hell.

SOMEOFTHEM.

lets play the name game.

PICTURED(SIBLINGS):

libby, genna, julie, beckah, jojo.

NOT PICTURED:

davina, dara, rachel, jessica, jackie, john, peter, nathan, neal, mike.

woo.glad i got this day out of the way.

day ten.

THEONLYTHINGONMYFLOOR, ISCLOTHES.

i figured since im gonna be chilling all day at my house today, ill just put what i wore yesterday,

soooo here it is,

shorts i cut from jeans,

a blue cami,

a white shirt,

a necklace,

and purple bag.

daynine.

IBELIEVEINDREAMS.

i believe in following your dreams and making them happen.

dont let people change your dreams.

keep them for your entire life.

have crazy dreams that couldnever come true.

because no matter what,

if you work towards it, and you work hard,

it could happen.

i love fourth of july fireworks.
and little kids that say funny things.
and my best friend connor who came to watch with me.
and my family. ♥

dayeight.

AMOMENTCAPTUREDINTIME.

by putri sudrajat, with the help of tim volovnik.

:D ♥

that was a great day.

im trying to be strong, and im doing pretty good.
ive been really happy today,
but it still hurts and i still miss you.
at least im not crying though. :/

DAY SEVEN.

MYBESTFRIENDSARECOOLERTHANYOURS.

heres some of them, there is more, but yanno.

i love every single one of them. they have all been there for me probably more than once. especially my family. everyone tries to help even if i dont want the help.
I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.♥

IM GOING TO HAVE FUN THIS SUMMER.

im not gonna let anything get me down, i need to have fun and let loose.

im not going to not talk to you, or aviod you, but im not going to let you control me.

im not going to let you get inside my head anymore.

i still love you and i always will, but now i truely realize we are done.

we are over, although i will always feel like we have more, i understand that you dont.

and i can respect that. so fuck everything bad, fuck all the hurt, tears, and pain.

AND MAKE SUMMER2010 A SUMMER TO REMEMBER.

NO REGRETS.

who knows, maybe even a summer romance?nothing serious, but just a little fling. ;)

i feel better. it only took 98 days, a bunch of tears, manymany friends, and one wise teenager. (:

snuggies, perfect for holding your stuffed bunny while being cuddled up in a corner crying yourself to sleep. :D
.....no.

whyd you do this.

why would you ever do this if you didnt want it.
dont you realize how much my heart hurts.
i honestly want to be dead.

trapped in my mind, begging to be said.but i cant tell you.

youre everything to me and i cant stand not having you in my life. i havent had a completely happy day since that early morning, march 30 at 1:14 am. i want to die without you. im so glad the school year is over because i cant focus anymore. im jsut giving up. i dont know what i want in life anymore. i feel like im nothing. i feel like a useless piece of shit. why am i not good enough? i want to know so i can change. if i ever find someone as amazing as you one day, i dont want to lose them.i dont want to make these same mistakes. i dont know exactly what i did to lose you, but i want to change so it wont happen again.i cant forgive myself. i took you for granted, i fought with you, and i pulled you too close. i caused this and i will NEVER forgive myself for it. i wish i could though. i want you back so badly. you gave me love, happiness, you made me smile and laugh, you gave me the strength and courage i need to survive in life. you supported me and my dreams, i wanted to support you too so i changed my entire future.i dont know what to do anymore. and its killing me.i wanna die with you, in your arms, i will always love you. i meant everything ive ever said to you.

a note im to scared to show you. im to scared to tell you.

i wish i could tell you how much you mean to me. i wish it would make a difference and you would understand. i wish you would love me again and we could be happy together. i want to hold you and look into your eyes and just kiss you gently. i wish you meant everything you said and i wish we could get married and live our lives as one. i wish we could always be there for each other and i wish i could make you smile like i used to. my life is falling apart without you and im dying inside. i need you so badly. i want you to be happy though. and thats what makes this so fucking hard. i miss you desperately and its hard to go on. there is mornings where i wish i hasdnt woken up. there is nights where i stay up for hours and hours just thinking and crying about you. there is days where i seriously comtemplate killing myself and leavin a note telling you it isnt your fault and i love you. its so hard to go on and let go.i dont think i can do it.i act happy, i smile, i spend time with my friends, but the truth is, my throat is always constricted, my eyes are always teary, my stomach is turning, my heart always hurts, and my smile is fake. you got inside my head and i cant get you out. i cant stop the hurt, the pain, the tears, or the scars from coming. i cant let go of you. i wont let go of you. i wish i could/would, but i have so much hope. i feel like we werent done, it wasnt our time, we just needed a break. our time isnt over. youre my noah and ill always be your allie.

DAY6.

THEDAYTHATCHANGEDMYLIFE.

this is my day.

my favorite day.

its all fine and dandy when youre the one that could have someone back in a heartbeat.

it sucks though when you are the one left with a broken heart.

TODAY IS DAY 97

jsut in case you care, i still cry EVERYNIGHT.
and i want you back so bad.

so i just do each day when i wan to. DAY5.

HONESTLY, YOU ARE MY ONLY DEFINITION OF LOVE.

i always have loved you and i always will.

i dont think you understand how bad i need you.

all the oceangrams we sent, THAT was love.

all the seconds we spent laughing, smiling, kissing, and fighting, THAT was love.

all the not akward silent conversations we had, THAT was love.

every tear ive cried, every cut ive made, every word i said, it was all for you, it was all out of love. everything i do is for you.

dayfour.

ON THE MENU TODAY:

chinese food.(: